Peace

Well let me start off this blog with updates.

We went to the doctor a few days ago for well baby visits, Havah for her 15 month and Josiah for his 2 month.  Before I give you any more details let's just say it was...adventurous.  Taking two babies at the same time for shots is not my idea of fun or in the realm of sanity in my opinion.  Lesson learned, take them separately.

Anyway, Havah is a whopping 21 pounds 10 ounces and 31 1/2 inches long.  According to the doctor she is saying more words than the average 15 month old, I could have told him that because she is a little chatter box.  She is right on track with her development, walking, jabbering, and learning at the speed of sound.  Josiah, is a scale breaking 13 pounds 9 ounces and 24 1/4 inches long.  So there is only 8 pounds difference between my two kids!  Amazing what having a full term baby will do.  He, as well, is developmentally right on track with his heart melting smiles and coos.

As I mentioned in my last blog, Father God has taught me so much through our kids. So here is a lesson learned about peace.

When we brought Josiah home, my naive self thought adjusting would be easy, I mean after all I do already have one child, I have done this all before.  I was wrong.  Just being honest I was intimidated by having both children together at once by myself.  A lot of fear went through my head.  "What if I loose my cool with them?"  "What if I don't know what to do with them?"  "What if they don't like me?" "Am I spending enough time with each of them?"  "Are the healthy?"  "Am I doing the same things with Josiah as I did with Havah?"  This list could go on but you get the idea.  I didn't really want to share this extensive list with anyone much less be honest about it with God.  I thought, "this will pass, just keep pushing through."  I tried to just push through but it didn't work.  I found myself in a whirlwind of trying to look good on the outside but emotional chaos was brewing on the inside.   

One night, my incredible sister-in-law convinced me to go to a women's conference with her at the church we used to attend.  I was very hesitant because after all, if I was intimidated with both kids then surely my husband would be as well.  However, after much encouragement I decided to go.  I can't really tell you what the message was about or how amazing the worship was I just know that after I left I felt like a totally different person.  I felt renewed, refreshed, like I had drank a cool glass of water after a long run.  I felt...peace.  Wow!  It is amazing what it feels like when you get it back and you didn't even know it was gone.  My heart felt alive again.  No more just going through the motions and having fear assault my mind anymore.  I was thinking clearly and my heart was beating in time with the Lord's.  

I guess that is why in scripture Jesus says in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."  I was relying on the world's peace not Jesus' peace.  And let me tell you, His peace is so much better.  

I am not saying that my "heart has not been troubled" since but I have been able to recognize when that fear is creeping in or when my peace is dwindling.  What I love most is that the Lord is so faithful to us.  He speaks so kindly to me.  Even when God should probably send fire down from heaven or write it on a wall, He is gentle and patient.  I am so thankful for that.  He knows me and He knows what my heart needs exactly when my heart needs it.  And just to let you know, my hubby survived with the kids...and so did they.