A moment of reflection

Lately my heart has not been able to keep up with what is going through my head.  I feel as though my head is going one hundred miles an hour and my heart is just now able to catch up.  

Christmas has come and gone and yet I feel like it never happened.  Yes, I got all my Christmas decorations up, food made, gifts bought but something was missing.  We spent time with family and I watched as my little girl was fascinated with wrapping paper more than what was in it.  We sung Christmas carols, watched Christmas movies and hosted Christmas parties but I missed something.  My heart hurts thinking about it.  I am guilty. I was caught up in the Christmas doing rather than the Christmas being.  

Christmas has always been a time of reflection for me.  A time where I can look back and see the good, the bad and the ugly and rejoice in a year filled with so much.  I usually take some time to be still and absorb the sights, sounds, and emotions of the season.  It is a way of focusing on what has been and what will come.  It is a type of rejuvenation that must occur in order for me to truly appreciate what has happened.   

So I am taking that time now.  Maybe Christmas is a little late for me this year but it is Christmas none the less.  Recentering, refocusing, rejuvenating.  

We began the year in a whirlwind of baby showers.  Then all of the sudden, she is here!  (early but definitely here).  We bought a house, renovated the house, moved in the house all while adjusting to parenthood.  We are learning how to love each other as parents, as well as lovers.  That’s hard!  We are learning how to balance work, children, house stuff, family, and each other.  That’s hard!  I know a lot of people do it, but man is it an adjustment!  As the year progressed, and we finally felt we had gotten the hang of the all the newness, we are surprised yet again with the gift of being pregnant.  The rest of the year has flown by in a flash of weekend trips to my parents, visiting friends in Nashville, Florence and more family in southern Alabama.  

I can’t believe we have come so far and yet have so far to go.  I am thankful for the lessons learned, the relationships that have grown, and the development of a beautiful new role called mommyhood.  May I not get so caught up in the things to do that I forget the things that matter most.  

So Merry Christmas and may you have a very Happy New Year!  

Quiet Love

My precious daughter, who is now just over 6 months old,  has had a difficult time staying asleep in the past few weeks.  We have the going to bed part down pat it is the waking between 2 and 3 AM that lead me to seek mommy counsel from Facebook.  I was amazed by how many comments I received.  Comments that were not only good advice but comments that showed that people really cared about me and my family.  Anyway, that was just a side note.  The struggle I am having is, do I let her "cry-it-out", feed her, or just comfort her so she can rest easy knowing mommy will be there?

I have prayed about this situation because my goodness I need SLEEP!  And in the midst of my cries, (ok that may be a little dramatic) I came across some wisdom that explained my heart struggle.

A dear friend of mine posted a blog a few days ago that brought me to tears and yet awakened my heart to contemplation.  Her blog was about how God allows us to go through pain, uncomfortable times and situations when you think He is no longer even listening much less there.  (If you would like to check it out it is www.mikkiblogs.com)  She spoke of the times when God is silent when we feel most desperate.

My heart identified!  Not only because I have been in that place where I didn't think God was listening and I was at my "breaking point" but also because I viewed it from the other side.  God's heart is so FOR us just like my heart is so FOR my daughter.  My heart breaks when she cries for an hour because "mommy is trying to help her self-soothe".  In her little world she just wants her cries to be heard and mommy to help.  "Mommy, fix it!"  "Mommy, I need.....Help!"    In my little world, I want her to mature and be able to find rest knowing that mommy is still there even when I don't answer.

It is a gift knowing that God still hears and His heart longs for us but He desires for us to BECOME!  Become who He has created us to be.  In those moments I am sure it is difficult for Him to wait but He sees the greater picture.  He sees that when we wait on Him we become stronger, we become more secure (even when we don't feel like it), we learn to trust, and we mature.  Just like I hope that my daughter will not still cry at 3 AM when she is four years old.  I am helping her become, develop and mature even when she does not see it that way.

Now don't get me wrong sometimes my heart can't wait another minute and I run to her rescue but sometimes....I allow her to BECOME.