Quiet Love

My precious daughter, who is now just over 6 months old,  has had a difficult time staying asleep in the past few weeks.  We have the going to bed part down pat it is the waking between 2 and 3 AM that lead me to seek mommy counsel from Facebook.  I was amazed by how many comments I received.  Comments that were not only good advice but comments that showed that people really cared about me and my family.  Anyway, that was just a side note.  The struggle I am having is, do I let her "cry-it-out", feed her, or just comfort her so she can rest easy knowing mommy will be there?

I have prayed about this situation because my goodness I need SLEEP!  And in the midst of my cries, (ok that may be a little dramatic) I came across some wisdom that explained my heart struggle.

A dear friend of mine posted a blog a few days ago that brought me to tears and yet awakened my heart to contemplation.  Her blog was about how God allows us to go through pain, uncomfortable times and situations when you think He is no longer even listening much less there.  (If you would like to check it out it is www.mikkiblogs.com)  She spoke of the times when God is silent when we feel most desperate.

My heart identified!  Not only because I have been in that place where I didn't think God was listening and I was at my "breaking point" but also because I viewed it from the other side.  God's heart is so FOR us just like my heart is so FOR my daughter.  My heart breaks when she cries for an hour because "mommy is trying to help her self-soothe".  In her little world she just wants her cries to be heard and mommy to help.  "Mommy, fix it!"  "Mommy, I need.....Help!"    In my little world, I want her to mature and be able to find rest knowing that mommy is still there even when I don't answer.

It is a gift knowing that God still hears and His heart longs for us but He desires for us to BECOME!  Become who He has created us to be.  In those moments I am sure it is difficult for Him to wait but He sees the greater picture.  He sees that when we wait on Him we become stronger, we become more secure (even when we don't feel like it), we learn to trust, and we mature.  Just like I hope that my daughter will not still cry at 3 AM when she is four years old.  I am helping her become, develop and mature even when she does not see it that way.

Now don't get me wrong sometimes my heart can't wait another minute and I run to her rescue but sometimes....I allow her to BECOME.      

Was Doubting Thomas Really Doubting?

My husband and I recently had a conversation about "Doubting Thomas" and it got me thinking.  You know, Thomas had gotten a really bad reputation throughout the years.  In my opinion, Thomas was a man of great faith.  Psalms tells us to "taste and see that the Lord is good."  Rather than seeing Thomas as doubting that Christ had really risen what if he was just looking for his own experience with the Son of God.  

A lot of times in my life, I want to use someone else's experiences with God instead of searching for my own.  I want to claim their relationship with Jesus as my own without taking the time to form my own intimate relationship.  If scripture tells us to taste and see then I should taste and see, not have someone else do it for me.  I believe the Lord WANTS to reveal himself to us and he is waiting for us to search him out. 

So when Thomas was asking to touch Jesus' nail scared hands maybe that was his way of "tasting and seeing" the Lord.  And you know what the best part is?  Jesus showed himself to Thomas.  Thomas was able to get his own experience and the opportunity to touch the risen One.  

So what would happen if we asked?  Would we experience our own supernatural breakthrough?  Would we see the heart of God?  Would we stop "riding on the coat tails" of others and have our own story to tell?  

From now on, maybe I will no longer think of Thomas as a doubter but rather see him as a reminder of how desperately God wants to show Himself to us.