A moment of reflection

Lately my heart has not been able to keep up with what is going through my head.  I feel as though my head is going one hundred miles an hour and my heart is just now able to catch up.  

Christmas has come and gone and yet I feel like it never happened.  Yes, I got all my Christmas decorations up, food made, gifts bought but something was missing.  We spent time with family and I watched as my little girl was fascinated with wrapping paper more than what was in it.  We sung Christmas carols, watched Christmas movies and hosted Christmas parties but I missed something.  My heart hurts thinking about it.  I am guilty. I was caught up in the Christmas doing rather than the Christmas being.  

Christmas has always been a time of reflection for me.  A time where I can look back and see the good, the bad and the ugly and rejoice in a year filled with so much.  I usually take some time to be still and absorb the sights, sounds, and emotions of the season.  It is a way of focusing on what has been and what will come.  It is a type of rejuvenation that must occur in order for me to truly appreciate what has happened.   

So I am taking that time now.  Maybe Christmas is a little late for me this year but it is Christmas none the less.  Recentering, refocusing, rejuvenating.  

We began the year in a whirlwind of baby showers.  Then all of the sudden, she is here!  (early but definitely here).  We bought a house, renovated the house, moved in the house all while adjusting to parenthood.  We are learning how to love each other as parents, as well as lovers.  That’s hard!  We are learning how to balance work, children, house stuff, family, and each other.  That’s hard!  I know a lot of people do it, but man is it an adjustment!  As the year progressed, and we finally felt we had gotten the hang of the all the newness, we are surprised yet again with the gift of being pregnant.  The rest of the year has flown by in a flash of weekend trips to my parents, visiting friends in Nashville, Florence and more family in southern Alabama.  

I can’t believe we have come so far and yet have so far to go.  I am thankful for the lessons learned, the relationships that have grown, and the development of a beautiful new role called mommyhood.  May I not get so caught up in the things to do that I forget the things that matter most.  

So Merry Christmas and may you have a very Happy New Year!  

Updating

Well it has been a little while since my last post and lots has happened.  For starters, I am now in my second trimester of our second pregnancy.  And let me just say it has been TOTALLY different this go round.  I am definitely not complaining!  With my first pregnancy, I was pulling over on the side of the road to "loose my lunch".  This go around, just nauseous when I get hungry!  Thank you Jesus!

Secondly, Havah is now 7 months old with two cute little teeth and is scooting around the house getting into whatever she pleases.  Don't get me wrong, she is still not crawling but she is getting where she wants to go.  

We celebrated our Thanksgiving holiday with my family.  It was a blast!  We ate too much food, spent lots of time with family and too much money shopping the day after Thanksgiving. (Yes my mom and I have a tradition to get in the day after Thanksgiving craziness.)  I also got to meet my sweet little nephew Perrin.  He really is a cutie.

Lastly, we put up our first Christmas tree in our new house this past weekend.  Matt and I were like little kids.  He always puts the lights on the tree (he does such a great job and I hate it) and then we both put the ornaments on it.  It is gorgeous if I do say so myself :)  We have an eight foot tree with white lights sitting in the middle of our living room.  Havah has really enjoyed looking at the lights and being curious about why in the world there is a tree in the middle of the house.  We are slowly but surely finishing up our  living room.  We have our blinds up, the mantle in (just in time to hang the stockings), and a new rug.  So now all we have left is the fireplace logs (which my dad will hook up for us this weekend).  I can just envision Matt and I snuggled by the fire with our hot chocolate.  Sounds wonderful.

So now you are updated on the highlights.

Just getting started~Havah Joy

Click here to view this photo book larger

Quiet Love

My precious daughter, who is now just over 6 months old,  has had a difficult time staying asleep in the past few weeks.  We have the going to bed part down pat it is the waking between 2 and 3 AM that lead me to seek mommy counsel from Facebook.  I was amazed by how many comments I received.  Comments that were not only good advice but comments that showed that people really cared about me and my family.  Anyway, that was just a side note.  The struggle I am having is, do I let her "cry-it-out", feed her, or just comfort her so she can rest easy knowing mommy will be there?

I have prayed about this situation because my goodness I need SLEEP!  And in the midst of my cries, (ok that may be a little dramatic) I came across some wisdom that explained my heart struggle.

A dear friend of mine posted a blog a few days ago that brought me to tears and yet awakened my heart to contemplation.  Her blog was about how God allows us to go through pain, uncomfortable times and situations when you think He is no longer even listening much less there.  (If you would like to check it out it is www.mikkiblogs.com)  She spoke of the times when God is silent when we feel most desperate.

My heart identified!  Not only because I have been in that place where I didn't think God was listening and I was at my "breaking point" but also because I viewed it from the other side.  God's heart is so FOR us just like my heart is so FOR my daughter.  My heart breaks when she cries for an hour because "mommy is trying to help her self-soothe".  In her little world she just wants her cries to be heard and mommy to help.  "Mommy, fix it!"  "Mommy, I need.....Help!"    In my little world, I want her to mature and be able to find rest knowing that mommy is still there even when I don't answer.

It is a gift knowing that God still hears and His heart longs for us but He desires for us to BECOME!  Become who He has created us to be.  In those moments I am sure it is difficult for Him to wait but He sees the greater picture.  He sees that when we wait on Him we become stronger, we become more secure (even when we don't feel like it), we learn to trust, and we mature.  Just like I hope that my daughter will not still cry at 3 AM when she is four years old.  I am helping her become, develop and mature even when she does not see it that way.

Now don't get me wrong sometimes my heart can't wait another minute and I run to her rescue but sometimes....I allow her to BECOME.      

Ponderings

We got to go to the doctor yesterday to get our first view of our newest addition!!!  I don't care how many times I see that unrecognizable little peanut on the screen, it moves my heart every time.  We heard the heart beating at 118 beats per minute and had a slight change in due date.  Just a week later, we can now expect our new addition around June 15!

I decided to call one of my closest friends from college, ShaRhonda to share the good news with her but little did I know she had some news of her own!  She is pregnant as well!!!  This will be her fourth baby but the great part is that we will be due within a week of each other!  I just love how the Lord allows you to walk through different phases of life with the people you love.  With our first born, we had our good friends Michael and Annie to go through the pregnancy with and now ShaRhonda and Isaiah!  We are thrilled!

So today I had some big plans to go to St. Clair County for work and it was going to be a late night for me getting home.  Matt, my husband, usually hates my late nights of work because we don't get to spend much time together.  Well, the weather had other plans and the trip was cancelled due to tornadoes sweeping through our area.  (I don't mind trips being cancelled for that.)  Anyway, I have been at home this afternoon  after getting held at my daughter's daycare because the tornado sirens were going off and they wouldn't let me leave.  I decided to take some time to spend with Havah and not worry about the never ending pills of laundry, the dishes that have that weird smell or the floors that somehow ALWAYS end up sticky.  And I must say....I really like this playing with my daughter and housework later kind of day!  Mine and Matt's plan has always been for me to go part time working when we have our second child.  So I have had a preview as to what it might be like in a little less than 9 months.  I think I like it.  Currently, Havah is taking her afternoon nap, I have a cake in the oven (strawberry cake that will have cream cheese icing..yummy), planning meatloaf, mashed potatoes, sweet peas and rolls for supper, and I writing on my blog page...WHAT?!  It feels so natural.  Even on a Saturday it just doesn't feel like this.  It kinda makes me wonder, "What is God up to?"

Of course, there are no plans currently of going part time in the near future but I certainly am warming up to the idea.  So if you happen to think of it, send up a little prayer for wisdom and provision for our ever growing family.

Since my beautiful daughter is singing to me (crying) through her monitor, I will go for now but the thought still stands.

Menu Plan Monday~First Timer

This is my first attempt at the Menu Plan Monday although I feel like I have done it for quite some time now.  Let me make my disclaimer before I give you my menu.  My sister-in-law, Erica, and I are involved in Once a Month Cooking.  We started it in July and have really enjoyed not only the food but also the time with each other.  She lives about an hour away from us so it is very nice getting to catch up with her.

We had our monthly cooking day on Saturday so my freezer and pantry is full, which makes me feel so accomplished and very Martha "Stewarty".  So here goes:

Monday: Chicken Alfredo with Zucchini
Tuesday: Late night at work so the Hubby and I are on our own.
Wednesday: Salmon Patties, Mac and Cheese and Peas
Thursday: Chicken and Tortilla Soup
Friday: Down to Birmingham for BBQ
Saturday: Weekend at my parents
Sunday: Left overs from Mom and Dad's

So there it is my menu for this week.

New Additions

This week has been filled with exciting events.  I am an aunt...again!  My nephew Christopher Perrin was born Monday, October 11 at 8:00 PM.  He is a hefty 7 pounds 10 ounces and 21 3/4 inches long.

Christopher Perrin

Although I have not gotten to hold the little man yet I have heard several great stories of how sweet he is...and squishy :).

The other news is that our five month old, Havah, is going to be a BIG SISTER!  That's right, we are pregnant!  We are absolutely thrilled!  I am approximately 6 weeks along and an estimated due date of June 8, 2011.  The interesting thing is that we found out about Havah on October 3, 2009 and we found out about this baby on October 8, 2010.  So our little ones will be around 14 months apart!  I can't wait and my husband...he hasn't stopped smiling since I told him.  

Yes, I took 3 tests just to be sure:)  

Milestones

My daughter, Havah, is five months old.  Since she has arrived, has been a source of joy, love, laughter, and frustration ( can I say that?  Well it's true.)  She never ceases to amaze me with her smiles and odd facial expressions.  Well anyway, this week has been a week of milestones for my little one.  She has learn to reach for people and she has finally rolled over.  I have been amazed at her determination in achieving these tasks.  She has been working on rolling over for about two months now.  And it seemed like even she was relieved when she rolled over and saw her new perspective.  I never realized how proud I could be of another person (even if she doesn't know why we acting so crazy.)  Then I thought about how God feels about us!

What a neat thought?!  You know when we have to go through the same challenge over and over and over again and finally we get it.  Just think...if I am THAT excited about my daughter rolling over then how excited must our Heavenly Father get when we get to our milestones.  He is our biggest cheerleader, our number one fan, our deepest source of encouragement.  So many times I think of God as a task master, a judge or disciplinarian when in reality he is sitting beside us saying, "You can do it, you can do it.  Keep going!"

Friendships of the Heart

This past weekend showed me something that I never knew I really needed.  This weekend I saw 3 of my close friends.  All mothers, Godly women, beautiful, strong, all different.  I never realized how much I value friendship until this weekend.  I didn't realize how hungry I was for "girl time".

Friday night my sister-in-law, Erica, came over with my 2 nephews and niece.  She did not come empty handed either... She brought one of God's most precious gifts... BIRTHDAY CAKE!  My birthday was on Wednesday and she wanted to celebrate with me.  We didn't really have a deep conversation or talk about anything of huge significance but her company was so refreshing.

Saturday, Havah and I visited my dear friend, Anna Laura, who just had her first baby girl.  It was so much fun seeing my 5 month old and her 1 month old lay in the floor studying each other.  Again no deep conversation or amazingly powerful word from the Lord just spending time enjoying one another.

Sunday, Matt, Havah and I travel to Nashville, TN.  Hubby had been invited to speak at a church.  An added bonus was our good friends, Michael and Annie,  from college were there with their baby girl (Havah and their little one are only 8 days apart.)  We spent time relaxing and again enjoying one another.

I never realized that I had such diverse friends but somehow the Lord has woven them into the tapestry of my life so beautifully.  They each add a different dynamic to my life.  Erica provides a voice of wisdom, laughter, and a "let's just sit and hang out" kind of relationship.  She is kind of like the big sister I never had.  Anna Laura adds an innocence and inner beauty that shows me the soft, gentle side of the Lord.  And Annie contributes a deep longing for the presence of God and desire to spend time with the "Lover of my soul".

It is as if these women cause me to be more complete in who God wants me to be.  I think God was also showing me His heart toward me. Maybe He knows what I need even before I do.

Was Doubting Thomas Really Doubting?

My husband and I recently had a conversation about "Doubting Thomas" and it got me thinking.  You know, Thomas had gotten a really bad reputation throughout the years.  In my opinion, Thomas was a man of great faith.  Psalms tells us to "taste and see that the Lord is good."  Rather than seeing Thomas as doubting that Christ had really risen what if he was just looking for his own experience with the Son of God.  

A lot of times in my life, I want to use someone else's experiences with God instead of searching for my own.  I want to claim their relationship with Jesus as my own without taking the time to form my own intimate relationship.  If scripture tells us to taste and see then I should taste and see, not have someone else do it for me.  I believe the Lord WANTS to reveal himself to us and he is waiting for us to search him out. 

So when Thomas was asking to touch Jesus' nail scared hands maybe that was his way of "tasting and seeing" the Lord.  And you know what the best part is?  Jesus showed himself to Thomas.  Thomas was able to get his own experience and the opportunity to touch the risen One.  

So what would happen if we asked?  Would we experience our own supernatural breakthrough?  Would we see the heart of God?  Would we stop "riding on the coat tails" of others and have our own story to tell?  

From now on, maybe I will no longer think of Thomas as a doubter but rather see him as a reminder of how desperately God wants to show Himself to us. 

I am a blogger!

I have been following other's blogs for a few years now and have finally made the plunge of having my own.  This new adventure was inspired by my mother-in-law.  Here is the story.

While I was pregnant with our first little girl, Havah Joy,  I sent out what I affectionately called our "Baby Updates".  These weekly updates were nothing more than my attempts to keep all family members (and there were a bunch)  up to date with what was taking place in the womb and in our lives.  I would send out weekly updates with approximate length, weight and other fun facts involving our bun in the oven.  I finally noticed that I was looking forward to these weekly updates peppered with humorous comments and random thoughts.  Little did I know, my family was also expecting the updates.  Once they had actually become somewhat hostile because I had missed a week.  Let's just say I did not miss another week.

So here we are...4 1/2 months after the birth of our little lady and once again I am looking for an outlet to express my ideas, emotions, random comments and maybe, on occasion, a deep thought or two.  As a special treat, my husband may chose to chime in once in a while as he is my sounding board, source of laughter and best friend.  Please bare with me as we venture through this blogging world together....I'm a newby.